He was a wonderful man, he was able to make everyone laugh and he raised 3 beautiful children. When I heard the news, my entire family just sat in silence and then all at once, "What?!" "He committed suicide?"
My mother then said, "Suicide is so selfish. People who do that are so rude to others, he's probably going to hell now!"
I went up to my room and that's where I'm typing as you read these words. People all over the world are hearing the broadcast-ed death of this wonderful and amazing man who died way too young and are probably having mixed reactions of it all. When a celebrity dies, it's like the entire world collapsed. That's not entirely a bad thing; of course, we are all deeply heartbroken to hear about such a sudden death of someone we've come to know, especially if it's someone that has been on TV large amounts of times and in dozens of movies. What's even worse is to know that the death (could've) been suicide.
"Why would they do such a thing?!"
"They're so loved, they always smiled!"
Depression and suicide are something that nobody can really understand.
Since late 2012, I've been struggling with depression. I've even attempted suicide multiple times in the past two years, along with having a self harm issue and insecurity. But every time my friends are down, I'm the first one they would always go to.
"You always have such great advice!"
"You make me feel so much better, and you're super funny!"
Nobody knew for the longest time that the girl who was able to make everyone else smile and laugh, deep down inside of her, there was an anchor pulling her down into Depression.
When it had started, it was for the stupidest reason, and to this day I wish I could go up to my younger self and just... slap her! Knock the sense into her! I didn't know, at all, what I was getting myself into. But slowly after it had started, I was getting bullied. Since I already started self harming (cutting) myself, I just used that to get all of my sadness out from the constant teasing or pushing that went on at school.
Now in 2014, I'm blessed to say that I'm (currently, as of the edit of this post) 42 days clean of self harm and being suicidal. (Obviously) None of my suicide attempts have been close to death and I'm so thankful of that. But, there are some people who couldn't sort into their feelings into time and went to suicide and succeeded.
In the Bible, Jesus' disciple Judas hangs himself after he saw Jesus beaten. He couldn't believe that he had betrayed him like that, especially after he ate the last supper with him and denied that he would ever betray Jesus.
"I have sinned" he declared, "for I have betrayed an innocent man."
"What do we care?" they retorted. "That's your problem."
Then Judas threw the silver coins down in the Temple and went out and hanged himself." -Matthew 27:4-5.
Because Judas never got the chance to experience God's forgiveness and saw just what Jesus had done and with the Resurrection, many people doubt that he would've gotten to Heaven.
You're probably thinking, "How is this supposed to help anything?!"
Judas didn't go to Heaven (or as people think), because he didn't live long enough to fully know God's love and forgiveness for him and to see the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. He died being a sinful man.
Most of us today know about God's forgiveness. It's declared so many times in the Bible that it would be the hardest thing to miss, unless you either never heard of the Bible nor God, or denied it being an atheist/unbeliever. We believe that we're forgiven no matter what we've done; even if it seems like the most horrible thing, all sin is equal in God's eyes. That's right! Disobeying your parents is just as bad are Pre-marital sex, doing drugs, drinking, abusing others (etc) Any sin in God's eyes is equal. Like in the Bible, "if you break one commandment you might as well have broken them all."
No matter what you've done; in the past, what you're doing now or what you'll do in the future; you can know that you will always be forgiven by God. He is still holding you, taking care of you and listening to all your prayers. Never once did he ever let us walk alone.
Now, I'm not encouraging anyone to do suicide with these next few words so please if you ever have those thoughts, continue reading past this and read completely.
Suicide itself, is still a sin. God gave life to you, and you are taking it away. Usually that means you don't trust him enough to keep pushing through and to hold onto him, you just want the pain and suffering to end.
But, In the Bible it states that there is no sin that cannot be forgiven. If you accepted Jesus Christ into your heart and truly believed that he is your Lord and Savior, then you will be forgiven of all things you've ever done in your life, including suicide. Weather or not the person you may have lost, or any celebrity that took his/her life went to heaven would be between God and that specific person. No human on earth would be able to judge where the ultimate place you end up is. All I know is that anything can be forgiven as long as we genuinely go to him and ask for his guidance.
Robin Williams was accordingly in Depression for a long time now, having gone through drug abuse and drinking problems in the past. When you want the pain to end.. you just, want it over with. For my personal experience with Depression, I thought I was worthless. That I was alone, unloved, ugly, too short, annoying, not talented enough, etc. I have an Anxiety disorder as well that gives me really bad pains in my lungs/stomach, mix in a panic attack. I couldn't find a reason to be happy anymore. All I saw in my eyes was the utter disappointment found in every day and that happiness never lasted. So what was the point of staying?
There is a point in staying. God created each and every once of us for a grand purpose and design. Think of when you were playing with a puzzle; ever get really frustrated when two pieces couldn't fit together? Or even when a piece was missing? That's like our life. We force ourselves into places we're not meant to be in; weather it's a job, talent, friendship, relationship, or anything else. When we want to fit in or dress the part to impress, we're not being ourselves and God doesn't want that. He doesn't want us to be just another face in the crowd; we're meant to stand out.
There will be... agonizing pain in our lives.. weather it's a heartbreak from a relationship, a friendship that broke apart, a death of a loved one, failures, insecurity, addictions, pressure, etc. God never ONCE said that our lives would be easy; only worth it.
We're not living here just for the heck of it and supposed to make it out somehow; we have a rule book that tells us not only the things we're supposed to do, but things for the times we feel depressed, lonely, angry, depressed, terrified, lust, (etc) that book is the Bible. It tells us hopeful stories like Moses, and how he lead the isrealites out of slavery and torture to a new life! The story of Job and how he lost everything, but stayed faithful in God. Jesus Christ, how even when the best friends he made betrayed him and the cheering crowds went silent as he was forced to carry his cross and be nailed to it; he begged forgiveness for those who persecuted him. Jesus, the man who had done absolutely nothing wrong, was being killed yet he hoped that the people doing that to him would be forgiven and going to Heaven to see him one day. That's true strength.
Don't ever give up. Trust me; it's not worth it. I know that whatever is going on in your life right now is hard and stressful and you want to give up but don't do it yet. God has a plan for you, we may not see it now but someday we'll look back and see just what he was doing and what he saved us from. You're loved so much and nothing will ever be worth hurting yourself over, or ending your life.
Books to read:
- Romans (chapter 8.)
Songs to listen to:
- "Healing Begins" by Tenth Avenue North
- "It's Not Over Yet" by For KING AND COUNTRY
-"Matter" by For KING AND COUNTRY
- "Rise" by Colton Dixon.